A loved one has died, how to live on?
This is a terrible loss ... and the pain of loss will not resolve for a long time. Now it seems to you that everything is meaningless, that your life does not matter what and you are wondering why and for what. How did I survive, how did my children survive? God alone knows. Now I do not live, but survive. What is the meaning of my life? They often said to each other: "It is so good that I have you." And suddenly it was all over. Pain, despair, fear.
It’s difficult to survive, the bitterness of loss temporarily overshadows everything in the world for you - but, one way or another, life goes on and you need to find the strength to move on.
No matter how bad or painful you may be, the process of grief is necessary, as a special work of the soul - the work of purifying, growing up and accepting this world as it is.
In order to carry out this work, it is necessary to go through all the stages of grief to the end, accept it completely and drink this cup to the bottom. If you are unable to follow this path correctly, if you get stuck at some points along the route, the mourning process becomes pathological, and sometimes you can’t do without the help of a therapist.
1 . The first reaction to the death of a loved one is shock and numbness. “Can't be” is the first thing that comes to the minds of almost every person: you don’t want to and even physically “cannot” believe that a loved one has died. All reactions seem to be dulled, and outwardly it may even look like indifference: “I didn’t utter a tear”, but usually it’s just protection of our psyche from too strong emotions that it is not ready to cope with. Alas, some people can’t cope, they can’t go any further, and they psychologically “stone” forever, especially in the case of a strong emotional attachment to the deceased.
2. The stupor is replaced by the search stage: the person accepts the fact that there is no loved one nearby, but he does not believe that this is forever. The deceased seemed to be chasing him: it seemed on the street that he had passed, someone laughed in the same way, something squeaked in his room and on the back of his chair - his sweater ... The feeling that the one who died is constantly haunting actually located somewhere very close. This phase lasts from 9 to 40 days: believers believe that the soul of the deceased at this time is on the earth and says goodbye to everything that was expensive.
3. In the end, a person realizes the reality of loss, and a stage of acute grief sets in when despair literally “covers” one’s head and many frightening feelings and thoughts appear: about the meaninglessness of life, about one’s own guilt before the dead, which cannot be redeemed now. The deceased seems to us better than we thought about him in life: all good things are remembered, all bad things are erased from memory.
Sometimes, at this stage, the grieving person almost completely withdraws into himself, closes, moves away from loved ones, sometimes identifies himself in some way with the deceased. Unfortunately, not everyone leaves this phase, remaining mentally forever closer to the deceased than to those living nearby.
4. The final stage is constructive, it adapts us to reality and reconciles with it. The sorrow is transformed into a remembrance, a bright sadness and sadness about the departed. The person who left us no longer lives in our consciousness - but his image remains.
This stage is extremely important: you can survive all the previous ones, but block the memories and not let the image of the deceased loved one into your present life - then the work of grief will not be completed until the end and relief will not come.
The duration of grief is very individual. The grief process is not linear; a person can return to some stage and once again live it. But there is no need to rush it. In experiencing grief, it’s more important than its duration, but progressthat occurs in a grieving person. Acceptance of these feelings, their understanding and support at every stage is the very help that will help overcome grief. It is very important to turn to specialists if a person is "stuck" at some stage and there is no positive dynamics.
The craving for death is so strong in us! We need to reach out to life, and we, oddly enough, reach out to death. When we cling to a person who has died, we want to be with him. But we still have to live here, we have tasks. We can only help him here, you see.
What to do when death occurs at home in the daytime?
The algorithm of actions differs depending on the time of day and the place in which the relative passed away. What to do if a person dies at home in the daytime? In such situations, it is worth resorting to the following activities:
- If a person died, the mirrors in the house should be hung with a cloth. Then call the local doctor by phone. Then it remains to wait for the arrival of a medical professional. The latter is obliged to conclude a statement of death, and then give relatives a confirmation of this fact.
- Call the police, whose staff will inspect the body, draw up an appropriate protocol and provide a referral to the morgue.
- If a person died at home, what to do next? While the doctors and the police are doing their job, it is recommended that you search and prepare a package of documents. In the future, you will definitely need your own passport and a similar identification card of the deceased, as well as insurance, a medical card.
- If you have a document stating death on hand, you need to take the rest of the above papers and visit the district clinic. Provided that the deceased relative has been examined here over the past few weeks, it will be possible to immediately issue a death certificate. Otherwise, the body of the deceased will most likely be redirected to the autopsy procedure.
- Clinic employees need to find out the address and phone number of the morgue. Then you have to find a suitable car for transporting the body. After opening, it will be possible to obtain a death certificate.
If death came at night
What to do if a person dies at home at night? The actions in this case are almost identical to those in the previous situation. The difference is that instead of the district doctor, you need to call an ambulance team. Nor will it be without the presence of police officers who will direct the body of the deceased to the morgue. With the onset of morning, you will have to visit the clinic to receive an outpatient card for the deceased. Doctors should prescribe post-mortem epicrisis in the document presented. Then it remains to receive a death certificate in the morgue. You should go for the paper with your own identity card, an outpatient card and the passport of the deceased.
Algorithm for death in the home
What to do if a person dies out of town, visiting, other similar places? First of all, it is necessary to notify the district police about the incident and call an ambulance. After examining the body, medical workers will issue a death statement, and law enforcement officials will draw up a protocol and direct the body to an autopsy.
If a loved one died outside the home, you will have to personally take care of transporting the deceased to the nearest morgue. Then it remains to wait for the completion of the forensic autopsy procedure and issue a death certificate.
What if a person dies in a hospital?
In the event of a sad event, the responsible medical officer is obliged to notify the relatives of the deceased about what happened, saying where the body is currently located. To obtain a death certificate in such a situation, you will have to turn to the services of the registry office. Then it will remain to begin preparations for the funeral on their own or with the help of the ritual bureau.
What if there is a case of violent death?
If a person passed away as a result of a murder, suicide, accident, other things, one cannot do without an appropriate check by law enforcement agencies in order to confirm or refute this fact. In such situations, the body of the deceased must be sent for medical examination. According to the results of the latest criminologists can initiate a criminal case.
Upon confirmation of a violent death, the organization of a funeral will only be possible after obtaining the appropriate permission from investigators. Prior to this, the body of the deceased can be stored indefinitely in the morgue. Relatives of the deceased are encouraged to turn to the services of the ritual bureau when all the documents necessary for organizing all the funeral arrangements are on hand.
If death occurred while traveling abroad
In cases where a person passed away while being outside his home country, his relatives need to seek the help of consular officers. The organization’s staff will help confirm the fact of the death of a relative and tell you what needs to be done to obtain the necessary papers. The consulate can also take care of transporting the body of the deceased home. However, any expenses that will be required to comply with the formalities will have to be borne by the relatives of the deceased.
Free and paid morgue services
Relatives of the deceased are guaranteed by the state a number of free services that are provided by the morgue. This list includes the following:
- Preservation of the body of the deceased in the walls of the institution for a period that does not exceed a week. Such a long stay of the deceased in the morgue may be required if preparation for the funeral is delayed or there is no permit for burial.
- Washing and dressing the body of the deceased.
- Laying the deceased in a coffin, followed by removal into the hall of mourning for transmission to relatives.
What mortgage services need to be paid? Among these, it is worth noting embalming the body, other cosmetic procedures, as well as transporting the body. Collaborating with the morgue to obtain such services is optional. All this can be undertaken by the employees of the ritual bureau, who organize the funeral.
Preparation for the burial of the body of the deceased
If a person died, what to do for a funeral? As soon as a death certificate is received, it is recommended that you immediately contact the funeral services bureau. However, one can refuse the help of such organizations by taking the organization of the funeral. Be that as it may, you will definitely have to take care of the following activities:
- Order transport to transport the body of the deceased to the place of burial or cremation.
- Purchase funeral supplies.
- Make an order for the direct burial of the body.
- To make services of washing the deceased, laying him in a coffin.
- On request, order embalming the body, disinfection, applying posthumous make-up.
- Consider the important points that will be included in the funeral scenario.
- Choose and prepare a funeral hall.
- Take care of the conduct of certain religious rituals in accordance with the faith of the deceased.
- Place an order to organize a memorial meal.
The death of a loved one can be a severe blow to relatives. However, in such a situation, it is important to pull ourselves together in time, with dignity having spent the deceased on the last journey. In order not to get confused in a particular situation, it is worth using the instructions presented in our article.
Do you know what actions need to be performed after the death of a relative? Simple but important rules will help you conduct the funeral rite correctly and prevent many mistakes.
The body is necessarily washed, after which warm clothes are put on it. The deceased must be transferred from the bed to the table and covered with a light cloth. Before putting the body in a coffin, both the deceased and the coffin should be sprinkled with holy water. Under the head of a person, there is a pillow. A person’s eyes should be closed, hands should be folded one on top of another (right on left).
On top of a person is covered with a special funeral bedspread. Next, a candle or lamp is set on fire, which should be lit as long as the deceased is in the room. A whisk is located on the forehead of a person. This is done in the hope that the deceased will receive an incorruptible crown from God in heaven as a reward.
Clothes of the deceased
Often the deceased is dressed in a formal suit. Everything should be absolutely new: underwear, socks, shoes. A man usually comes with a handkerchief and a woman has a scarf on her head. But if the deceased was a soldier during his lifetime, then he must be buried in full dress.
If a person expressed any wishes, then they must be fulfilled. In the event that the individual has used dentures, they are also clothed.
An unmarried girl is buried in a white dress, as she is associated with the eternal bride. But she doesn’t put on a veil or other jewelry. However, unmarried boys and girls are always required to wear wedding rings.
According to tradition, it is forbidden to wear a red suit, this will lead to the death of one of his family members. If an individual was a righteous believer, a cross must be put on him, even if he never wore it.
On the third day, according to custom, there is a funeral service in the church and a funeral. The funeral service is allowed to be carried out (unlike the requiem) only once. If the deceased was not baptized or non-Orthodox, then this rite is not performed.
The clergyman should not conduct the funeral service for those who were previously baptized, but renounced Orthodoxy. In such a situation, family members can pray for a person’s soul. Refusals of funeral for suicides. True, there are exceptions, for example, if an individual cut short his life while being insane. But in such a situation, the consent of the ruling bishop is necessary.
After the ceremony for some time, all family members and friends can be with the deceased with burning candles, praying for the soul of the deceased. The prayer read by the priest helps forgive the deceased for all the sins that he repented of in confession. However, sins that he did not specifically repent of are not forgiven through this praise.
Following all the mourners should ask the deceased forgiveness, kiss the whisk on the forehead. Now the body needs to be covered, the clergyman sprinkles it with earth, closes it and no longer opens it.
The coffin should be taken out of the room so that the person’s legs look forward. If a clergyman is present at the burial, then he should go ahead of the whole procession, as a spiritual mentor. The grave of the deceased is placed facing east. The cross is placed at the feet.
Mourners must throw a handful of earth onto the coffin. The church is very skeptical of cremation. But, if it was the will of the deceased, it must not be violated.
According to the rules, funerals cannot be performed on Holy Easter and Christmas.
After the funeral service was held, and the deceased was buried, relatives can arrange a memorial meal. She is also. The church does not approve of the presence of alcohol at such meals.
If the burial is carried out on a lean week, then the dishes should be lean. If the funeral fell on a weekday of Lent, then the funerals are postponed until next weekend.
Cleaning after death
Do you know what it is necessary to do general cleaning after the dead person? In fact, this ritual has great magical significance. It is believed that the house in which the deceased was located is unclean. Therefore, to cleanse, it is necessary to do a spring cleaning. It is very important to wash the floor well. Roughly speaking, a person needs to wash away the traces of a dead person. Important: it is necessary not to sweep, namely to wash.
People believe that if this is not done, then the spirit will return. Remember that cleaning is not allowed for relatives (just like carrying a coffin). It is believed that otherwise you will show the deceased that you are glad that he left. Remember that until the body of the deceased is taken out of the house, you can not sweep the floor. Otherwise, you will bring a new death to the house.
Why do mirrors hang after death?
A mirror is an ancient enough, strong magic attribute with which. It is believed that this is a real portal to another world, and that is why it must be closed if a person dies in the house.
People believe that for three days the soul of the deceased wanders around the place where he lived and if the spirit is reflected in the mirror, then it will always remain in him. There is also a less common legend that says that if in the presence of a dead person he will look at himself in the mirror, then in the near future this person will also die.
According to the belief, that the soul is still lost in the labyrinths of the other world, a clouded mirror testifies. In this case, it must be broken right away so that the spirit can get out.
There is an opinion that the funeral of the deceased should not be in the room where there is an open mirror. Since, firstly, the cross is reflected in it on the contrary, which can be regarded as blasphemy. Secondly, it absorbs grace, and, accordingly, the power of prayer is reduced. It is believed that mirrors can only be opened after the death of an individual for 40 days.
What to do with the things of the deceased?
Quite often, people wonder what to do with the things of the deceased after his funeral. It is worth noting that the clothes that a person was wearing during his death have a strong connection with the world of the dead. Именно поэтому человек обязательно переодевается, а снятые вещи сжигаются. Запрещено использовать вещи, которые были на индивидууме, который умер не своей смертью.
If the deceased previously left a will, indicating how to dispose of his property, then the executor must do so. The clothes that the individual wore for a long time will preserve his energy for some time.
There is a lot of controversy over whether it is worth giving these things to someone, whether they can be thrown away or burned. Most often, the opinion is that after 40 days, clothes that were used very rarely are exempted from the energy of the former owner. But the clothes that people used much more often are best burned.
The death of a loved one is a bereavement for everyone. It doesn’t matter whether he was sick or was completely healthy, had many friends or, on the contrary, repelled others with his actions, put up with the fact that he would never be impossible. In such situations, all that remains is to provide a worthy funeral. Their organization is not an easy task, especially for those who are faced with grief for the first time in their lives.
The man died at home: first steps
If a person died at home, before proceeding with the organization of the funeral, the following must be done:
1. Call an ambulance 103 (district doctor) and the police. They have to:
- examine the body, record the time of death of the deceased,
- exclude (confirm) the likelihood of violent death,
- issue relevant documents (cover sheet and body inspection protocol).
Prior to the arrival of law enforcement officials and medical facilities, the body position of the deceased and the objects surrounding him must not be changed (despite the absence of signs of unnatural death).
- documents issued by police and ambulance,
- medical certificate of the deceased (if she is at home),
- passport (your own and the deceased person).
In the case when the corpse is sent to the morgue for pathological examination to determine the causes of death, a certificate is issued in the morgue. They go to a medical institution after an examination: they take a card of a deceased person with a post-mortem epicrisis.
It is worth knowing that an autopsy of dead people over the age of 60 is not necessary. Relatives of the deceased have the right to refuse to carry out this procedure, but they must provide law enforcement agencies with a history of his illness for the last month of his life. To obtain an extract, you need a corpse inspection protocol, an outpatient card and a passport of the deceased, a cover sheet.
The will of the relatives is satisfied if the medical history indicates that the deceased relative was seriously ill and was registered in the dispensary. The application for refusal of the pathological examination is made in the morgue.
After collecting the documents (protocol for examining the corpse, a form stating death, the conclusion of medical personnel) they are sent to the prosecutor's office: they take permission for burial.
- death certificate of the established form,
- stamp of death.
A certificate is issued at the registry office with which you can receive financial assistance from the state for the funeral. The passport of the deceased is left in the registry office.
- application with a request to remove the deceased from registration at the place of residence,
- copy of death certificate.
Documents are given to the passport holder, after which the discharge procedure is considered completed. If utility bills came in the name of the deceased, you need to correct the registration data in the relevant services. We call the number indicated in the invoice, narrate information about his death. Then we take a copy of the certificate and a statement to the institution.
Death didn’t come home: what do you need to know?
Unfortunately, it is impossible to determine at what point a person will face death. This can happen both at home and elsewhere - in the country, at a party or in a strange city. In such situations, the first steps are:
- We call an ambulance, the police of the area in which the deceased was.
- After collecting the necessary documents (protocol for examining the corpse, referring the deceased to a forensic autopsy), we send the body to the district morgue: the medical examiner will find out the cause and time of death.
- After conducting a post-mortem examination, we draw up a medical death certificate. We take with us the passport of the deceased and ours.
- We turn to the registry office about obtaining a death certificate with a seal. Without a stamp certificate, the body is not transported to another morgue.
A man died in a hospital: what should be the first action?
When people die in a hospital, the responsibility for spreading the tough news lies with its staff: the doctor and nurse report the death to relatives. You can also find out from them where the body is and how to get the medical report. As a rule, the relatives and friends of the deceased may be in the hospital until they are transported to another morgue or burial place. A death certificate with a stamp is taken at the registry office, after the issuance of the relevant document by the health worker.
The death of a man: how to organize a funeral
The collection of documents is not the most difficult that "falls on the shoulders" of the relatives of the deceased. We should also think about organizing a funeral. It is important to clearly allocate time, follow the sequence of actions. Little of this succeeds, because strong stress and emotions make it difficult to make the right decisions. In such a difficult situation for all family members, there may be inconsistencies in carrying out ritual procedures, other disagreements related to the burial process. You can try to "pull yourself together" or entrust his organization to friends, but the best option is to contact a funeral home specializing in the provision of funeral services.
Funeral homes Mourning: what do we offer?
- Specialists of our funeral home are always ready to help in organizing worthy funerals. Their services include:
- determination of the method, date and time of burial. As a rule, the burial of the deceased is carried out on the third day after death, but the exact day is assigned by relatives (later or earlier). The choice of the method of burial depends on the wishes of the relatives or the deceased. If during his life there were no wishes from him, a traditional funeral is held. To do this, you need to decide on the cemetery, buy a place on it in advance, and prepare the grave. The last task will be helped by the employees of the cemetery,
- sale of ritual goods. In each funeral home you can buy clothes for the deceased, pick up shoes, a bedspread, order a coffin and wreaths with individual design,
- transportation of the body of the deceased and those wishing to take it on their last journey to the place of burial (transportation of the body to the morgue, ritual transportation in Ukraine and around the world - Cargo 200).
- musical accompaniment of a funeral.
The remaining funeral rites are discussed with the ministers of the church. Moving the coffin with the deceased is the responsibility of the funeral home specialists (in most cases).
The funeral ends with a memorial dinner at home or in a pre-ordered cafe or restaurant (if there are a lot of people and there is not enough time to prepare food). You can reduce the time you’re looking for a place to commemorate if you immediately contact the funeral home for help. Its employees are ready to offer a full range of funeral services in Kiev, to help in organizing and conducting the funeral.