Let's just make it clear: self-respect does not make you narcissistic or arrogant or self-centered ... in fact, it does the exact opposite. Self-esteem is a deep sense of self-esteem and a sense of love for yourself, showing that you are worthy to receive and give love.
The problem for most of us — including me — is that we are going the wrong way. We try to feel a sense of self-worth by accumulating “likes” on Facebook or by acquiring a new gadget, while the truth is that external factors will never give us the self-esteem that each of us is so hungry for.
Find out what makes you respect yourself.
One of the concepts that allows me to respect myself is to keep my word given to other people. If I say that I will do something or will be somewhere, if there are no unforeseen situations, I feel better when I do what I was talking about. I develop self-esteem by completing work, regularly training, starting my day with green juice from herbs, and crawling under a blanket at 10 pm to get a good night's sleep and get some energy for tomorrow!
Be honest with who you are and who you are not.
If you find out what exactly makes you feel good (see Step # 1), continue to be honest not only with yourself but also with others. Honesty not only reduces labor costs in the work, but also makes its implementation more enjoyable.
If you know that your calling is to work outdoors on a farm, then you will not prove yourself if you work from 9 to 5 in the office of a local marketing company for the next ten years. You will disrespect your talents and interests, and you will disrespect a company that can hire someone who really succeeds in this position.
I know that I treat myself disrespectfully when I plan my evenings with friends three times in a row, coming after work, because I feel exhausted after that. I do my best to admit this to myself and be honest with friends.
Respect yourself by acting in an area that inspires you.
Yes, actions in an unknown area frighten us. We cannot know for sure that everything will work out for us, and the fear of failure can make us retreat from great success. But the most successful people I know are not afraid to try something new. Mark Zuckerberg dropped out of Harvard, and made a story. Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak started making Apple in the garage. Alisha Keyes used her talent and fame to create a completely new non-profit organization, Keep A Child Alive. Through clinics, education, and medicine, the global pop star treats and prevents the spread of HIV in Kenya, Rwanda, and Uganda.
Stop trying to be “normal!”
The only way to stand out is to be peculiar, real, unusual in its own way. This is easier said than done, but think about this: all those people whom you would like to be equal to have identified what distinguishes them from others and turned it into their advantage. In addition, if you are not who you are, you mix with others and lose your personality. And what's interesting about that?
Meet those who REALLY want to meet with you.
Do you know what all of us are, in the first place, inclined to lose self-esteem? Yeah, you guessed it: in dating and meeting (I mean between a man and a woman). I am sure that when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex, there must be a firm rule: if it’s not one hundred percent yes, then this is one hundred percent no!
Countless people can offer so much to a suitable partner, but they are in a paralyzed state waiting for their current partner to talk with him about critical aspects in their relationship. I understand that a couple needs some time to grow and develop a relationship, but I'm talking about people who have gone beyond compromise and live in a frozen state of self-sacrifice.
Gather self-esteem to start all over again! Although scary, starting at the beginning is less painful than being with a partner who does not want or is not able to give you what you need.
Allow yourself to stop for today.
Self-esteem means refusing to engage in excessive self-criticism, self-flagellation or self-restraint. It is very easy to link yourself to a to-do list and evaluate yourself by fulfilling its items. How about a focused transition to self-mercy? What if, when you finish one task and when considering the next, you will say to yourself: “I can do it, or I can not do it. If I choose to stop now, I will allow myself to be satisfied with what I have already done and will not reproach myself for this. ”How about respecting my ability to work?
Know that you are not only your genes.
We could spend our whole lives untying the knots of your past, but at some point, you should realize that these knots are no longer yours. They belong to our parents and grandparents and their parents. The line of succession is very complex and long, heredity is easily transmitted from only one generation. We have a choice and at any moment when we reflect on how our heredity affects us, we can declare: “This is not my story. I'm not my family tree. ”
Apologize with RESPECT.
Saying “sorry” is rarely pleasant and easy, keep this in mind when you want to apologize! An apology is important to learn not to make excuses. (Because it is simply disrespect for the other person and your integrity.)
So the next time you feel the urge to beg forgiveness from someone, put your hand on your heart and check your inner truth. If you feel you really need an apology, apologize once (no excuses).
Be prepared to accept reality.
You must be prepared to see things and people as they are. It can be painful to admit that there is a problem in us, in our loved ones, or in a situation. But if you do not solve the problem with curiosity and courtesy, your situation will worsen, the problem will drag on. And this is not very respectful in relation to your time and energy.
Write compliments to your body.
Our health, like everything else in our lives, depends on our attitude to it. The more we pay attention to him, the better our body will feel. Often, when we think about what to do with our health, we usually stand in front of a mirror, looking at our body and imagine that we have to “fix it.”
Instead of making self-condemnation your morning ritual, stand in front of a mirror and list three things that you love about yourself. Later, write them down, preferably on stickers. Then choose one or two that make you feel the way you want to feel every day and stick these love notes on the mirror in the bedroom, on your wallet, on the TV remote control and read them even on those days when you feel completely differently.
In conclusion, do not forget to treat yourself the way you want others to treat you. By focusing only on our (self-incriminating) mistakes and shortcomings, we give permission to the rest of the world to focus on them as well.
Posted by Dr. Daniel Dowling, Psychologist and Life Coach.
1. Respect for needs and desires
Need is a need for something very good for oneself. The need for an external good. Any person needs food, safety, relaxation, communication, acceptance, love. Needs are always good and natural.
There is nothing embarrassing to need, for example, support. Or in recognition. To feel good and fit. And to be in silence and loneliness.
Needs cannot be evaluated critically; one cannot assume that another personand (or you) they are "wrong" or stupid. They are always correct! And you need to treat them with attention and care. Because of the realized needs, a general satisfaction with life and a feeling of happiness are formed.
- I am very tired, I need half an hour to rest.
What do you answer to this?
- What was it tired of? I didn’t load the bags!
There is no respect for the needs of another person in this phrase.
- Of course, rest, you need to recover.
But this one is. Now about the desires.
- I really want pizza with bacon!
- Where's your pizza weight?
People who respect each other will never take an “over” position in communication. Respect is first and foremost a recognition that your human value is equal.
- I really want pizza with bacon! - And I want ice cream! Although very harmful. Well, let's go all out or show willpower? - this is what the conversation of two people looks like, who do not put themselves above or below the other.
2. Respect for features.
Your life together will be the more comfortable and happy, the better you can see and take into account which person is next to youwhat are his mental properties and character traits, what he is capable of, and what are his limitations.
- I can’t do it / solve it so quickly, I need more time!
- Here you are forever slowing down! Need to think faster!
Here we see the annoyance and rejection that the other person is less quick and quick-witted.
“Fine, I'll wait for you to finish.” And tell me, if I can help you with something? - a calm and respectful phrase in which there is no confrontation, but there is a proposal for cooperation.
3. Respect for feelings and feelings.
We are all living people, not robots. Sometimes something makes us very upset, pisses us off, makes us angry.
“I'm very upset when you say that.”
- What are we gentle! True eyes prick?
This neglect and the desire to strike more painfully.
- I regret. Me, too, this whole situation is very upsetting.
So you show: I recognize your feelings, you and I are in the same boat. And cracks do not appear in your relationship.
4. Respect for interests and tastes.
Examples of disrespect:
- Than to go fishing (picking flowers with flowers), it would be better to read some clever book!
- Only foolish women watch such series.
“How can you eat this at all?” It looks awful!
The tastes and interests of any person are personal, completely untouchable for others (even the closest) territory. If you do not like the fact that a loved one pays too much attention to his addictions, this can and should be discussed. But to criticize, make fun of his hobbies "in general" is a blow below the waist and absolutely unacceptable things in respectful relations.
5. Respect for values.
Values - this is what is of great importance to us, in which we firmly believe, on which we stand. This is our attitude to the fundamental things in life, our ideas about acceptable behavior, our internal obligations to ourselves.
- Instead of digging a garden to go to my parents, you could take me to the sea! - there is disrespect for what is important for a man - to help elderly parents, to be a good son.
“I know you need to help your parents.” But I also want to be at sea. Let's think about how to combine this so that everyone is satisfied.
Recognizing the values of your partner, you can expect that he will also be careful about what is dear to you.
6. Respect for the point of view / vision / picture of the world.
- Only people who are behind the times can reason like that!
- You don’t understand anything and didn’t sniff life.
Is it nice to hear this in a conversation when you express your point of view? Of course, unpleasant. It’s unpleasant for anyone.
And how can one respectfully express one’s vision different from that of another? Very simple - in words “I have a different opinion” (the following is an opinion beginning with the words “I believe that”, “I believe that”, “my experience says that”) or “I disagree / disagree”.
7. Respect for plans and aspirations.
- I want to get a second education.
- Are you out of your mind? Spend so much time and money on it! You do not need it!
"You do not have the right to your development and your own life, I will decide what to do and what is good for you," as the phrase says. Here the partner is perceived not as an individual with his free will and the right to control himself, but as the property of another.
- I want to get a second education.
- I'm not sure that now is the right time for this, but if this is your decision - I will support it.
You do not have to enthusiastically accept all the intentions of your spouse, you can doubt their expediency and prospects. But In any case, your loved one is an adult, and he is capable of making life choices and taking responsibility for them.
8. Respect for the circle of friends.
- What can you have in common with these strange personalities with whom you communicate? They are not worth your time!
The circle of communication, as well as tastes, as well as the circle of interests, as well as outlooks on life, are personally yours. No one can invade this zone with their opinions and advice if these tips were not asked. We are friends, we communicate with someone, because we are interested in them, we are connected by some kind of our own, unique story and emotional affection. To respect these stories and the emotional affections of your loved one means to respect him, his personal space.
“You know, I'm not very comfortable in the company of your friends, but you feel good with them.” Well, great, meet, chat.
Friendship is wonderful. Respect for the circle of friends is another thread that will strengthen your union, make it strong and safe.
9. Respect for choice.
- Look what I bought myself!
- Could find something cheaper / more practical / better! - and again we hear neglect, disapproval, confidence that the other is not able to make a good choice, the desire to assert oneself and find peace of mind at the expense of a loved one.
Everything that the other chooses for himself is good, practical, right for him personally. You may not like his choice, but - think - do you need to spoil his mood with your opinion? It will not bring you closer, it will only push you away.
10. Respect for time.
- How much can you do this ?! Do you even look at your watch?
If you understand that at any moment in time your partner is busy with something important for himself, if you respect that it is “important”, you will never say that. You will say: "It’s too late, you couldn’t be distracted, I need your help."
If in any of your interactions you strive for cooperation, if you are happy for each other, take care, pay attention and respect to everything that belongs to the other (feelings, thoughts, plans, experience, outlooks on life), you create the very inspiring space in which it is very joyful to live - the space of love. published by econet.ru.
If you have any questions, ask them.here
P.S. And remember, just changing our consumption - together we change the world! © econet
Do you like the article? Then support us press: