Useful Tips

How to support a girlfriend who has suffered a miscarriage


Few people can discuss this topic. “Miscarriage” - and the word is somehow unpleasant, as if it was not a question of a lost unborn child, but of something inanimate, or of a process. But many women have this painful experience, and how to talk about it is unknown.

Miscarriage happens for various reasons: hormonal failure, genetic disorder, extreme stress, sudden illness. But the horror that covers a pregnant woman when she feels a sharp pain, sees blood and finds out that her unborn child is no more - he is the same for everyone. Even if the pregnancy was unwanted, even if the miscarriage was provoked, anyway, loss is loss. The depth and power of emotions may vary, but not their quality. And further, the experiences of women develop according to the universal law, which is called the “experience of loss / injury”.

At first it was a shock and a complete denial: "No, this cannot be, I do not want, no, not that!" Normally, this stage takes several minutes. If more - there is a "stuck", a woman can resist to help, insist that nothing happened. These are manifestations of a shock state; doctors usually stop it with sleeping pills.

The next stage is active, acute grief. At this moment, relatives should try to refrain from consolation, give a sorrow, express your grief in tears and words. Unfortunately, in our culture the traditions of joint mourning are practically lost, when crying and grief are supported by relatives. The simplest thing is to be near, assent, cry together - to mourn the loss. Instead, relatives begin to reassure the woman, interrupting a strong emotional reaction: “Calm down, everything will be fine, you are still young, you will give birth again. “It wasn’t a child at all, so a pea cannot be discerned without a microscope!”

But for a failed mother, this lump of mucus was already endowed with all the qualities of a living child, dreams and expectations were associated with it, a name was already thought up for him, gifts and joint walks were drawn. And now he is gone, and never will be. This is a very strong and tragic experience of death, of what could have been, but did not happen. And speaking comforting words, relatives, in fact, devalue the loss itself and the woman’s feelings about it.

Irina, lost a long-awaited child for a period of 8 weeks: “For me, the most strange was the reaction of her husband and mother-in-law. They did not react at all. As if nothing had happened, as if this child had nothing to do with them. I cried day and night, my husband consoled me as best he could, but he himself did not seem to worry at all. It was his first child, and, as it later turned out, he simply did not understand what the word "miscarriage" means. And the mother-in-law was on drugs after a stroke, and she was of little interest in the outside world. But for me it was wild and insulting. "

Sometimes grief cannot break through cultural or family prohibitions; a woman becomes “frozen”, detached, indifferent. This condition is much more dangerous than any open manifestation of feelings. That is, it is better when a woman cries and complains about the injustice of fate than when she lies silently, turning away from the wall. It would be nice to help her at this moment in any way cry. Sometimes it’s enough just to sit in silence nearby.

After acute grief, the stage of acceptance and depression sets in. The woman resigns herself to the fact of losing her child, but continues to mourn her, albeit less strongly. Sometimes in this period women talk about a change in the speed of the passage of time, everything seems to slow down, and life flows past, like through a fog, sounds reach deafly. The intensity of the experiences and their duration depends on how long the miscarriage occurred, as well as how much mental energy was invested in the fantasies of the child, how significant it was for the mother. If this stage drags on for longer than two to three weeks, it is highly advisable to seek the help of a psychologist or neurologist.

Extremely strong or incomplete grief can become an obstacle for subsequent pregnancies: fear of experiencing the pain of loss again can block conception and is one of the causes of psychological infertility.

One of the specific reactions to any loss is the guilt of the one who left. On a rational level, we all understand that, for example, we can’t arbitrarily regulate our hormonal levels, but a powerful guilt - that I couldn’t, didn’t save, couldn’t cope — floods everything.

Karina, the third undeveloped pregnancy: “Although I did not want this child, at some point I just had a tantrum: what a life so awkward that we cannot give birth to all our children. And why do not I have the strength to do this? After all, he probably wanted to be born with us, but I could not keep him. And as luck would have it - wherever you look, everywhere there is an advertisement for children's goods, some pregnant women walk along the street, two pregnant friends. I feel guilty all the time: I couldn’t hold it, I could pull myself up and I didn’t want to. ”

In men, the experience of miscarriage is suppressed, they “hold on”, do not give out their emotions, but they can manifest themselves in dreams, in unexpected tears at the sight of advertising of baby food, in a surge of tenderness for children. But sometimes the husband feels rejected, especially when “sexual rest” is prescribed to the couple after surgery. In the Russian tradition, men generally try not to devote in detail to the female inner life, so there remains a bewildered and unhappy dad who does not really understand what is happening, also feeling guilty, he is angry because he can not help. At this moment, the spouses more than ever need to support each other and talk about everything that happens: “I am terribly sad, stay with me! You are not to blame for anything - neither am I. Let's forgive ourselves and continue to live. ”

After the misfortune, some time may pass, sometimes quite long, before the couple ventures to repeat the experiment with the birth of a child. All sorts of “objective” circumstances may arise that prevent conception: this month I was sick, and the next husband went on a business trip just during the period of supposed ovulation, or the spouses quarrel, it would seem, from scratch.

This couple came to see me after a miscarriage following a complex and expensive IVF procedure. Both of them are “closer to 40 than 30”, they made a career, survived divorces in the first, student marriages. They are confused and angry: how is it that they tried so hard, did everything right, paid a lot of money. For them, it seems that the child is one of the business tasks. But their grief is sincere, and they treat each other very carefully, affectionately, support and comfort.

I gave them an exercise in the technique of projective drawings. The result was unexpected: it turned out that both of them ... are afraid of losing the love and attention of their partner. That is, the child in their close relationship is subconsciously perceived as a hindrance, a competitor, almost like a younger brother or sister.

We managed to express and work out their uneasy feelings for discussion. They assured each other that their mutual love is unchanged, and the birth of a child will only bring together and strengthen their family. I asked them to draw a picture "Our ideal family" - a kind of "programming for success." Now their twins are one and a half years old.

How to reassure a woman who has a miscarriage

Posted by: KolkaOlkin
Most couples silently endure the pain of a miscarriage. Therefore, everyone needs to understand what he can do as a friend or as a relative to support someone who has experienced a miscarriage.

“I think that at that moment considerable support was given to me by the friends who surrounded me and my family. It seems to me that many women who have suffered a miscarriage are ashamed of this. They think that they have any abnormalities and do not want with whom or talk about it. Because of this, they don’t get the support they need from loved ones. "- Anastasia.

Unlike the case of Anastasia, which is given above, most couples silently suffer the pain brought about by a miscarriage. This may be due to the fact that they do not have people around them who would support them, or the people around them are not able to provide them with the necessary support. Therefore, everyone needs to understand what he can do as a friend or as a relative to support someone who has experienced a miscarriage.

Most of this article contains citations, because no one can answer our question better than women who directly suffered a miscarriage. Faced with a similar problem, it is very important to know what needs to be said, and what is better not to stutter. Because sometimes we say certain words, thinking that they will be useful, but in reality they do not work very well in difficult situations and can produce the opposite effect. This is not our fault, since it is very difficult to understand what we should say in this situation. This is a very complex topic, especially when it happens completely unexpectedly, and you have no idea what to say or do at that moment. Remember, there are no such perfect words or actions that could help a person who has survived the loss to tear him from grief, but you can become an indispensable source of help, comfort and support. It is very important.

Support for someone who has experienced a miscarriage.

All women are different, so each woman has a different attitude to the same issues. Some women feel the need to talk about their grief, speak out, while others, such as Dana, vice versa. Here's what she says about this: “Honestly, I don’t want to discuss these things, I can’t put into words what I feel.” Therefore, it is sometimes useful to simply be a good listener, without exerting any pressure on anyone, without forcing to talk about what she does not want.

In order to find out what exactly will be ideal support after a miscarriage, you need to have an idea of ​​the needs of a woman who has had a miscarriage. Below are the tips of women who once experienced a miscarriage, to those people who are trying to support.

"Constantly ask them how they feel. Do not forget what happened. Even if they already have a child, this does not mean that they do not constantly think about their loss. They can lament until the time when they should celebrate the first year of birth of the baby. "- Valentine.

"I’m not going to say how to speak right or wrong, I want to say caring. You can say when someone really cares, and that means a lot. If you really feel compassion, then you can help. If you feel awkward or don’t want to have anything to do with their pain, they can feel it.The best way to help those who have experienced a miscarriage is to listen to them - ask how they feel and really want to hear their answer. Tips! "- Rose.

"Do not forget about the fathers. My husband recovered only a few years after the first two miscarriages. He noticed that no one asked about his condition. He felt that no one allowed him to grieve, and he should be strong for me. I I didn’t understand at that time that he was as pained as me. "- Christina.

"If they want to be alone, let them know, but let them know that you are there and ready to talk with them if necessary. Prepare something to eat so that they don’t worry about their other children. It will be a huge help for them. Or help around the house, wash clothes. It’s not so important to say, just be there. "- Diana.

What can you say to those who survived a miscarriage.

“I really don’t know what I would like to hear. It might just be:“ I am very sorry. ”I would like someone to warn me that I may get milk even after 9 weeks of loss. This seems like a bad joke "I’d like to talk to someone who has previously experienced a miscarriage, just to know that I'm not alone." - Elena.

Here are some sample words that you can say if you want to support a person in a similar situation:

• "It's okay to be upset and angry - you grieve over the loss of your child. Take your time to return to the" real world "- feel what you want."

• "I am here to help you. And I will be here as long as you need me. Please let me know what you need. I will help you along the way without further questions."

• "I also had a miscarriage. I don’t know how you feel, but I’m ready to talk to you if you think this will help you. You are not alone." (if you also experienced a miscarriage earlier)

• "It is not your fault. You have done nothing wrong. This is not your reflection. You have been, are and will always be perfect."

• "Your child was life, it just ended too soon. I will remember his birthday."

• "I really don’t understand what you went through, but please let me help you."

• "What you feel is perfectly normal. After all, you are experiencing the loss of your child."

• "It may take many months before you feel better, but that's fine."

Many thanks to all the women who shared their heartbreaking stories and experiences.

What to do

Recognize her loss. Yes, many of those who found out about the loss are afraid to say something so as not to offend or blurt out the excess. But for a woman, silence is tantamount to indifference. Suffice it to say that you condole with her - so you acknowledge that she experienced great grief.

Let her speak out. Ask if she wants to talk about it - very many understand that they need to throw out the grief verbally, only after they are offered it. Listen, ask, give her room for grief.

Help her find interlocutors. A lot of women are experiencing a miscarriage - perhaps you also have something to tell your friend about it. If there are those next to her who have gone through the same thing, it will be easier for her to realize that she is not alone.

Offer real help. That she can not only feel, but also see. Cook something tasty, invite for a walk, offer to sit with older children, send her flowers.

Support the very idea of ​​disseminating information about miscarriages. There is nothing shameful or dirty about this - a variety of women face miscarriages, they affect everyone, regardless of social and family status. Talking about miscarriages openly and directly is part of the global support for women.

What not to do

Talk cliche. Do not tell her supposedly comforting phrases from the series “you can still get pregnant” or “that means it should have happened”. No woman wants such pseudo-support, which she secretly often perceives as an accusation against her. Here you can find examples of inappropriate phrases in this situation.

To give advice. Do not try to "cure" her. Do not send her to the healers and sorcerers. Do not remove damage from it and advise you to “drink some weed”. And even more so do not try to look for her loss of religious explanations.

Rush. A woman is not required to recover from loss as soon as possible. She has the right to grieve as much as she needs. No matter how long the pregnancy was lost, her child is no longer with her.

What does a woman feel after losing

Each of the failed mothers experiences grief in its own way. The first reaction is shock. It may be accompanied by hysteria or, conversely, withdrawal into oneself and refusal to communicate.

After losing a child, a woman experiences a whole “cocktail” of feelings. She can blame herself, her husband, doctors, or other people for what happened to her. It may seem that she will never experience the joy of motherhood. The woman has a burning pity for the little man, whom she could not give life to.

Almost all women after a miscarriage become depressed.

Severe psychological condition exacerbates hormonal failure. A woman experiences frequent mood swings: violent sobs give way to hysterical laughter. I want to stay alone, and immediately there is a need to tell someone about my experiences.

A woman may not perceive reality well, not respond to others, refuse food and food, and experience problems with sleep. Some inhibition may also be present. Many, recalling subsequently a difficult period, cannot say that they felt what was happening, who was next to them.

It is good if at that moment someone near and dear to you is near you, who can support, hug, find words of consolation, or simply silently stay near.

Share your grief

It is important not to keep your pain in yourself, but to share it with loved ones. If you voice the feelings that you experience, it will be easier for you to experience them. However, try to choose from your environment such people who really can sympathize, understand, support.

Some people are simply not able to understand what a woman is going through. Их советы скорее ранят, чем приносят облегчения. Очень часто можно услышать фразы:

  • «Ничего страшного. Родишь еще»,
  • «Может быть, он был больным, поэтому не выжил»,
  • «У тебя уже есть дети, зачем тебе еще»,
  • «Все к лучшему, у тебя все равно нет своего жилья, хорошей работы, машины и т.д.»,

От подобных советчиков лучше держаться в стороне. Тем не менее, вам обязательно нужно выговорится. You can talk with your mom or close friend, tell your sister or husband about your feelings and feelings. And some find it easier to open up to a random interlocutor. If you are a believer, you can talk with the priest. You can also refer to someone who himself has experienced this in the past. This person, for sure, will understand and support you.

If there is no person in your environment whom you could and would like to trust, at least say your feelings out loud. This will help to pour out negative energy.

Feel free to cry. You have experienced real grief, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. You can cry for your unborn baby, for your unfulfilled hopes, for everything that you expected with such tenderness and impatience. Forget that tears are a sign of weakness. In your case, they are healing. Together with them will come tension and pulling pain, which you cannot get rid of.


After a miscarriage, you may be tormented by guilt. You will frantically search for the answer: "For what? Why did this happen to me? ”. You can recall how you were inattentive to yourself and your health, maybe remember that you reacted to the news of your pregnancy with fright or even frustration.

Get rid of these thoughts. There is no fault of yours. Unfortunately, life is designed so that anything can happen to each of us. No one is safe from misfortune or tragedy. No need to look for the guilty and torment yourself. An event has occurred. You will not change anything. Live on.

Time is the best doctor

When a person experiences a bereavement, it is difficult for him to believe that over time the pain will recede. But it is so. Coming soon questions: “What am I doing this for?” and "Why did this happen to me?" give way to others. You will begin to think about how you can cope with depression and return to your real life. You will notice that not only you, but also your loved ones suffer from your condition: other children, husband, parents.

But you should not rely only on time. You will have to work independently to get out of a depressed state. Attempts to simply forget what happened to you are doomed to failure. You must survive the situation, accept it and let it go.

There are various psychological tricks to deal with grief. One of them is offered by psychologist Bob Dayte, who specializes in working with people who have lost. The specialist advises writing on separate phrases:

  • “I'm doing everything right,”
  • "My pain will end,"
  • "I will be able to overcome the loss, as other people could do it,"
  • "I feel myself good",
  • “I get joy from life,”

Place the leaflets so that they constantly catch your eye: attach to the mirror or to the refrigerator door, hang over the desktop, put in your wallet. Each time the phrases catch your eye, repeat them mentally or aloud. These settings will start to work.

Take care of your health

Taking care of yourself and your health will help you escape from thoughts of irreparable loss. An interrupted pregnancy is a serious blow to the body, causing damage to your health.

Miscarriage leads to a violation of the hormonal background, strikes the endocrine system, often there is a lot of blood loss.

You need to visit medical specialists, get tested, clearly follow all the recommendations of doctors. Try to walk more, move, eat properly, get enough sleep. Try to completely eliminate cigarettes and alcohol.

  1. Think about your state of health before a miscarriage. Be sure to visit the necessary specialists, take tests and follow all the doctor’s appointments.
  2. Watch your diet. Food may not be of any interest to you right now, but you need strength. Variety and quality of food is what is needed. Set a regular time for meals and for a bite to eat. Drink plenty of fluids to avoid dehydration. Watch your weight (if you notice significant changes - consult a doctor).
  3. In no case do not abuse coffee and alcohol! Better take multivitamins.
  4. Stick to your normal daily routine. Go to bed in the evening at the usual time, even if you do not feel like sleeping at all. Avoid large and regular doses of sleeping pills.

If you notice any changes in your condition, be sure to consult a doctor. It can be:

  • weight change
  • weakness,
  • temperature rise,
  • violations of the digestive tract,
  • copious discharge and other unusual manifestations that indicate a malfunction of the body.

Remember that a full recovery after a miscarriage will be the key to the next successful pregnancy.

It is also important to try to find out what caused the miscarriage. As a rule, the loss of a child occurs as a result of hormonal disruptions, disorders of the endocrine system, as well as various diseases. Finding out the exact cause will allow you to take measures to prevent the recurrence of the tragedy.

If you yourself are not yet in a position to ask the doctor the necessary questions, ask someone from your loved ones to go for an appointment. Try to find answers to all the questions that bother you. Do not be afraid to ask your doctor about everything that bothers you. Before receiving, be sure to write down on a piece of paper (or in your smartphone) all the questions you are interested in so as not to forget anything. The doctor’s answers are also best recorded right away. As known, "a dull pencil is better than a sharp memory ". If you don’t understand something during the conversation with the doctor, do not hesitate to ask again or clarify, since this is the most important thing. It is your right to know what happened to you to prevent a recurrence of misfortune.

Watch yourself

Monitoring your condition also contributes to an early psychological recovery. Keep a diary in which you write:

  • what happened to you during the day
  • who did you meet
  • what they thought and felt
  • what changes you felt in yourself.

Do not forget to note everything that gave you pleasure or joy. Even if it will be some little things: a beautiful sunset, a funny game of kittens on the front lawn, a delicious cup of coffee in a cafe.

In the diary also write down your plans and goals. In this section you must:

  • plan tasks and tasks for the day, week, month,
  • to note what you managed to do and write down what or who prevented you from realizing your goals,
  • whose help will be needed to successfully solve the tasks
  • what is your condition that prevented you from realizing your plans,
  • what needs to be done to find the resources to live on.

Be sure to write down your successes and achievements. Set only real goals, unattainable tasks will only upset you.

Learning to relax

Skills of relaxation and self-regulation will help you in any life situation. And in the period when you are experiencing a miscarriage, the methods will allow you to recover faster and find peace of mind.

You can practice yoga, Chinese qigong gymnastics, do meditation. To get started, start the following set of exercises:

  1. Lie on your back, try to take the most comfortable position, if necessary, put a pillow or roller under the lower back.
  2. Exhale and close your eyes.
  3. Inhale slowly, counting to four, fill the stomach first with air, then the chest.
  4. Exhale also slowly, counting to four, the air should seem to flow out from the abdomen, then out of the chest and exit through the nose.

You can sit in the lotus position, relax, try to get rid of all thoughts, sit and just watch your breathing, making uniform breaths. If you have extraneous thoughts, imagine that you open a tunnel that sucks in all the extraneous.

When the help of a psychologist is needed

Unfortunately, it is not always possible to cope with depression after a miscarriage in the home. The help of professional psychologists or psychotherapists will be required if:

  • thoughts of suicide
  • prolonged apathy,
  • abuse of alcohol or sedatives,
  • signs of mental disorders (hallucinations, obsessive thoughts and ideas, etc.),
  • protracted depression
  • sleep disturbances, recurring nightmares,
  • chronic fatigue.

As a rule, physiological recovery after a miscarriage takes from three to six months. During this time, the hormonal background normalizes, the endocrine system returns to normal. The same period of time is necessary in order to normalize your mental state.

If this does not happen, you still feel guilty, you do not want to communicate with others, you do not have the strength to do your usual business, you need to seek professional medical or psychological help.

A psychologist or psychotherapist will help you understand yourself, get rid of negative attitudes and thoughts. A specialist will really appreciate your condition and, if necessary, advise you to consult an endocrinologist or other medical specialists.

Pamper yourself

Attentiveness to yourself will allow you to recover faster. Give yourself little joys daily. Buy those products that you love, go to the spa, go to the park. Well, if you have the opportunity to go on vacation. A change of scenery affects the psychological state in the most favorable way.

Think about your appearance: change your wardrobe, visit a hairdresser, sign up with a good cosmetologist.

All this will allow you to get distracted, get positive emotions, feel the joy of life and successfully survive your loss.

Do not forget, but survive

The purpose of this article is not to make you forget what you have suffered, but to help you survive a tragic event. You have lost a child. This is your experience that will always be with you. But this should not prevent you from living on. You have become different, stronger and wiser. You will have a different attitude to life, you will be able to better understand others and yourself.

A lot of women who survived a miscarriage blame either themselves (didn’t eat well, worked hard, were treated irregularly), or other people (inattentive doctors, an always busy husband, selfish mother-in-law, boss, etc.). Though not immediately, but this view of the situation must be abandoned. It is not easy, and may even seem completely impossible. But this step must be taken, and it is the result of a lot of meaningful work on yourself.

And the last moment

When a woman experiences a miscarriage, the last thing she can think of is a new pregnancy. But you must know that you will definitely become a mother. You will again experience the excitement when you find out that a new life has arisen in you, trembling tenderness from the sensation of the first, almost imperceptible, movements of the baby, and this time it will end well. You will become a mother, and will rejoice at the smiles of your little one, play with him, watch him grow.

Mommy tips from forums

Spelling and punctuation of the authors saved.

koshkash: doctors say that if a pregnancy is rejected, it means that from the very beginning it “didn’t work out”. And the conceived child is not viable. Sometimes parents themselves are not happy that, contrary to nature, by titanic efforts they saved and retained what was doomed ... sad.gif
It’s not easy to survive, yes. But you are not the first, and many, many later children were born, and not only one. Take care of yourself (your health in the first place, and not only vitamins, maybe, if finances allow, and go where to relax and unwind, you don’t have to sit in your sadness and depression). God forbid, everything will turn out.

markovaolga: my words may seem harsh, but this is just so, because I myself went through it. How girls write correctly is a natural selection and you need to relate to it that way. When right after I lost the long-awaited and desired child and they told me so, I started to cry, later I thought about it a lot and still came to the conclusion that everything that happens to us is exactly the way it should be.

The most important thing now is not to focus on this. Think about the fact that a miscarriage at 10 weeks is less a tragedy than death before giving birth or at the time of giving birth, and you were answered by girls who experienced a true tragedy, God forbid anyone else, and still become Moms (this is the most important thing in life) I really wish you not to cycle, but to go to your goal, relax as much as possible (cinema, theaters, etc.), drink vitamins, talk with your doctor about planning and already get all the recommendations about vitamins and when to start.

Slavkina: For three years I’ve been remembering the second of September for the same reason. Then all hopes were broken. The term was less, but they still did the cleaning. Hard to remember, tears welling up. My husband helped me, I later realized this. Every day he said that everything will be fine and everything will work out. Then it seemed to me that he was mocking me and that good would never happen again. Through acquaintances, I then found a good specialist who understood my problems, prescribed treatment, mentally calmed down, and after turning off my head I became pregnant and did not even notice how. It happened six months later.
The main thing for you now is to put your nerves in order, get distracted, occupy your head with other thoughts (I know that this seems impossible). Conception during stress is also no good.

tata tata: I also cried a lot, all the time I thought why this could happen to me because everything was quietly peaceful, everyone was happy. I went to an ultrasound scan and saw my baby and lost it in a couple of days. It was 10 weeks too.

Doctors advised to refrain from planning for half a year or a year. So that the body recovers. And I wanted it right away and for some reason it didn’t work out, and I cheated myself more. Then she talked with a friend, my father, and he, like a magic one, said nothing all the same as everyone else. But I calmed down. Somehow less thoughts, a new job helped. And here it is happiness. We will have a year soon.

Kindness: Finally, I’m ready to write my story! In December of that year, my husband and I learned that we were expecting a second child, we were very happy. There have never been health problems. At 12 weeks on Friday, I found reddish discharge - went to the hospital, but did not go to bed. Already from Sunday to Monday, at night my stomach started to hurt a lot, blood started, a lot of blood, and we went to the hospital. The condition was terrible. It poured very hard with me. And as soon as the doctor came in and said climb into the chair - everything fell out of me here, along with a tiny fruit! It was horrible! I was immediately taken away for cleaning and is no longer pregnant. It was awful! Roared, sobbed, cried. It was terribly depressed. But despair lasted a couple of days, because you can’t help with tears, plus my husband supported me very much. Of course, the doctor said at least six months to wait, then you can try again. But I trusted my feelings and sensations, because I knew that Health was not the issue. And as soon as the first menstruation ended after a miscarriage, I became pregnant again. Monthly periods went exactly a month later. That is, on January 23, a miscarriage happened, on February 26, menstruation went, in March I became pregnant. Now I'm lying with my newborn second daughter))) everything is fine. I am writing to support all the girls who have the same situation now. Since she climbed and searched for answers at that time, who, when, and how many. No time to cry. There is a desire - there is a goal. If healthy, then do it right away! If there are sores, then treat and do. The main thing is not to think about the bad! Health and kids to you.

Lena: Do not blame yourself at all! It would be necessary to check in hot pursuit and pass extra. tests - find the strength in it and plan your pregnancy further - only it will save you from depression and worries. Do not sit at home and do not close, you need to act - depression is not an assistant, you need to get rid of it by all means! Go to the doctor and try to find the cause. If this is the first B, then sometimes this happens and no one can explain (I have several such examples from friends). I wish you that more of this never happened to you. Take care of the planning of the baby, you wanted it and you can not stop because of failure.

Marina: Girls, everyone has his own cross! Need to let go and live on! We want to have children, so you need to live with this desire and God will give! And the path of depression and self-flagellation is the path to nowhere! Itself is constantly tormented and directly “pulling my hair” I pull myself out of a state of grief.