You need to understand what factors make a man fall in love. Many women suffer because their relationship remains at the “no obligation” stage and they don’t understand what it is. The reason is not that men are “afraid of commitments”. It’s just that these women are not able to arouse emotional affection in their partner.
The purely physical desire for a partner weakens over time, and a deep emotional connection is more important for the future relationship. Here are 5 tips to help you fall in love with a man without resorting to unethical manipulations.
1. Appreciate its current virtues, not potential. Everyone wants to be accepted and loved the way he is, but many begin to meet with a man, thinking primarily about his potential - about what he might become in five years with their help.
But man is not your project. If you expect him to change, he will feel that you do not value him as he is now. Some may begin to be ashamed of themselves: it turns out that they are not good enough. If a man feels this attitude at the beginning of the novel, he will run away.
When a man mentions that it’s easy to communicate with a woman, it means that he is ready to tell her something that he will not tell another
When I asked men who were happily married, how did they understand that it was with this woman that they should connect their fate, they often answered something like: "She never tried to change me." Decide what qualities are important to you in a man, and look for a partner who already meets your requirements.
2. Create a sense of emotional security for him. What it is? This means that a man knows: he can freely share with you his thoughts, feelings and desires, without fear of condemnation. When a man mentions that it is “easy to communicate” with a woman, this means that he is ready to tell her something that he will not tell anyone else, because he is sure that she will not condemn or criticize.
Next time, when the partner has a hard day and wants to complain about his colleagues or share something personal with you, try to listen to him without condemning or criticizing. You need to understand when to solve a problem, offer help, and when - listen. Sometimes a person does not want to deal with problems now, he needs to talk.
3. Maintain a light and fun atmosphere in a relationship.The memories of others are related to what we have experienced together. If you are constantly interesting and having fun, you will associate with this person with these pleasant feelings.
Men and women would often prefer to develop relationships at a different pace. Women are usually important status, so they are in a hurry to go into the phase of "serious relationship", skipping the first period of acquaintance - the most fun and positive. Men most often prefer not to rush and give themselves time to decide whether they want to develop relations further.Therefore, it is important to maintain an easy, playful and positive atmosphere at the beginning of the meeting. Remember that for a man, even if he really liked you, you are just dating.
4. Do not be afraid to be vulnerable.The secret to creating emotional intimacy is to open up, allow yourself to be vulnerable. When you open yourself to him real, without embellishment, you give him the key to all the intimate corners of your soul. And that is the responsibility. Imagine what it is like to earn someone's complete, undivided trust. Incredible, right? By demonstrating your vulnerability and insecurity, you create a feeling of emotional security for a man, and he will most likely open to you as well.
Create a life for yourself that you like, and the man also wants to become part of it
5. Give him the opportunity to run after you.Women often ask what to do if a man ceases to be actively interested in them. The correct answer is "nothing." If you start to panic, fear will control your actions.
I often see women start to panic as soon as it seems to them that the man is losing interest in them. Sometimes the only reason is that he did not write or call for one day or seemed to them to be suspended at dinner. Fearing to lose him, they try to take control of the course of the relationship and go too far: they start calling, they plan everything themselves and, on the whole, take on the role of a leader, trying to direct the relationship along the desired path.
Thus, partners change roles and, often without realizing it, the woman begins to “run” after the man. For many men, such a change in the dynamics of relationships is unpleasant, and they are even more removed. Hence the lesson: give him the opportunity to run after you. Create a life for yourself that you like, and the man also wants to become part of it.
Can free relationships turn into serious ones?
Before answering this question, we will understand what is a serious relationship? This is a relationship in which partners have common plans for the future and are not looking for any fallback options on the side. Such relationships require depth and mutual trust. In contrast, free relationships are like a soap bubble relationship: today there is, but tomorrow there may not be any, because one partner found someone better for himself.
At the beginning of their acquaintance, people want romance, passion and not burdened with routine problems and worries of dates. Often, after such a candy-bouquet period, relations change and become deeper, people understand and accept each other's problems, support them in difficult life situations, remain faithful and feel as a whole. Or, if sympathy has not grown into deep feelings, a period of courtship is followed by separation.
But what to do when a couple “gets stuck” at the stage of initial acquaintance? If everyone continues to live their own lives, giving the partner a small part of their free time, without delving into each other’s affairs, problems and emotional experiences? How to go with a guy to a new level discreetly, unobtrusively and naturally? As a rule, the initiators in such cases are more often men, and the girls accept a similar format of meetings, but at the same time they always ask themselves whether serious relationships will grow into something without commitment, how to change a familiar alignment? There is no definite answer, everything is individual and depends on specific people, characteristics of character and worldview.
To turn loose relationships into serious ones, find out why the guy is avoiding the latter
To begin with, a girl needs to study the man, his past, parents and their family values as best as possible. This will allow us to conclude that what causes the guy’s reluctance to enter into a serious relationship and determine the possibility of creating it in the future. These reasons may include:
Fear of responsibility. It is characteristic of many, especially at first, when people only recognize each other. In such a situation, you need to carefully find out whether the free relationship is the principal position of the young man or whether he, as a decent male representative, does not want to run ahead and take on premature obligations.
Recent breakup. Under such circumstances, a person is unlikely to want to immediately plunge into a serious relationship. It will take time to let go of the past. Of course, it is not too pleasant to be used to heal previous wounds, but, perhaps, over time, such a relationship will result in a serious continuation.
Fear of change. She is associated with troubled childhood or low self-esteem. A person does not want to part with the usual course of things, where everything is familiar, there is no need to strain and make efforts. After all, building a serious relationship is a way out of the comfort zone, a violation of the usual way of life, working on oneself and a close relationship with another person. It is not known whether an inveterate loner wants to change his worldview - it’s simply not in his style that night vigils on how to take relations to a new level, when everything suits everyone, anyway. Therefore, if a girl is in free communication with such a person, one must prepare to make titanic efforts to break through the wall of beliefs, and be ready to lose.
The man feels that they want to marry him. For the most part, guys are afraid like fire that cunning girls will "crush them". Therefore, at the initial stage of acquaintance, even if a woman saw a prince in him, it is necessary to carefully hide it, giving the man freedom of choice. And it’s a pity that rarely one of the girls listens to excellent advice - do not rush into physical intimacy: usually the question “how to translate sex into a serious relationship?” Then only women ask themselves, and men only enjoy the current moment and do not burden themselves with philosophical thoughts about a shared future.
Such reasons may interfere with free relations to go into serious or legal marriage. But if a guy has deep feelings and sees the future with a girl together, he will find the strength and desire to change for her.
Do not try too hard in a relationship, men feel it and unconsciously (or specifically) check how far the girl will go so as not to lose him
Tips for taking a free relationship
Men fear too persistent and determined women, prefer to remain leaders and make decisions independently. And women are sly and sophisticated personalities. A smart girl receives from the man everything he wants, while making him think that he wants the same. If a man does not show a desire to move to another level, then tips on how to translate free relationships into more serious ones will help the girl to build communication properly:
Hint that there are other fans. If during an informal conversation on the question “can we consider ourselves a couple?”, The man shies away from a direct answer, then the girl gives a logical explanation that she doesn’t like to label herself, but what should other men answer the question about her freedom? In this case a hint of rivalry is accepted as a challenge. In addition, the fear of losing the girl will aggravate men's feelings and help to understand how much she is dear to him.
In the case where a young man cannot make a decision, don't push and push on him. It’s better to give time to decide, and if the decision is not made, then offer to remain friends. At the same time, it is important that the girl does not make claims and requirements. Then the fact that a man is reduced to the status of a friend will cause a feeling of loss, including control over the situation.
Serious relationships are relationships when you make plans for the future together.
When a man openly declares that he is not ready for a serious relationship, the girl calmly replies that she herself is in no hurry to put on a veil, but wants clarity. This situation will change the scenario and instead of a girl, a man will become a victim. It is advisable to spend less time with the young man. If in the future he does not try to conquer the girl, then better break an unpromising relationship
Talk heart to heart. If the relationship lasts for some time, but there is no development, why not openly communicate with each other? Only this needs to be done without scenes and tantrums, and not much zealous preparation of express plans for moving from a guy to a new level of communication. It should be made clear to the young man that the girl is not happy with the current state of things, and specifically indicate what I would like from the relationship - after all men are not always aware of true female desires. Perhaps such a conversation will bear fruit, and the guy will take a different look at the chosen one.
Despite the advice, do not forget that people are treated the way they allow. This directly relates to the relationship of man and woman. Therefore, girls first of all need to love and respect themselves, not allowing consumer treatment. A self-sufficient woman with self-esteem will cause a man not only the desire to win her, but also to build a serious relationship. You need to focus not on words, but on the actions of a man. He proves the seriousness of his intentions precisely by actions.
Type 1. Formal communication
It is mainly used by people at the initial meeting, when it is necessary to quickly introduce themselves in society, preferably in the most favorable light. For example: “Hello! I’m Fedor Nikolaevich, director of a shoe factory and a happy father. ” A person, as it were, puts on a mask, using the usual image, with which you need to impress. So it’s much easier and faster to get involved in social life, keeping the situation under control.
Type 2. Ritual communication
It is used to maintain constant contact with acquaintances when there is no close relationship, but you also don’t want to lose touch. These are typical ritual phrases in the style of “well, the weather!”, “How are you doing?” And “what's new?”. Communication at this level is not for pleasure, but out of a sense of necessity, when you can’t get past friends, but you don’t want to talk about life in detail. Why is ritual communication necessary? To maintain the image and keep in touch. Who knows where useful?
View 3. Standard communication
The most common type of contact with the environment, which involves some balance between caring for your own "I" and a real expression of feelings for others. This is communication with friends or relatives whom we know well, with whom we have common themes, interests, and common habits. On the one hand, it allows you to feel involved with others, on the other - there is no genuine depth here either.
Let's say you meet friends somewhere in a cafe. There is a standard exchange of topics about personal life, work and problems. Everyone can give advice or pat a comrade on the shoulder in the style of “hold on, everything will work out!”, “Mine is also a goat” or “don’t turn sour, change is only for the better.” But if you feel really bad, you won’t get true support, even worse - feel loneliness in the crowd when there seem to be a lot of acquaintances, but no real friends. Finding your man out of a thousand can only be helped by moving to the next level of intimacy ...
Type 4. Crisis communication
A vivid example of this type of communication is a declaration of love, a conversation about betrayal, a desire to divorce, a crisis of faith in a relationship, first disappointments or pleasant discoveries. After moving to this level, you and your perception of another person change, the conversation becomes more open and in some ways even painful. Participants in crisis communication often feel shame, excitement, fear, disappointment or embarrassment, because the masks are finally removed, the true feelings are bare as much as possible, and the conversation concerns those that were previously ignored. With confidence, only one thing can be said - either you both will change and go to a new level, or you will disperse. As before, there will be no more.
Not necessarily every family scandal needs to be considered a crisis, especially if such a manner of communication between spouses is familiar. A crisis is the destruction of illusions in a relationship, collapsing confidence in a partner or yourself. When there is no more need to hide the true "I", your own experiences. There is no need to play any roles, because reality becomes more important than image. Only after experiencing a crisis, is there a chance to reach a different level of intimacy - the level of basic trust in a relationship.
View 5. Intimate communication
Perhaps this is the most intimate and emotionally open contact, which in no case should be confused with sexual experience. Sex does not always imply intimacy, if only because sometimes it serves to maintain formal contact in the family (“marital duty”), but it can also hide the crisis moment for the couple (first sexual experience with a loved one, violence). In any case, intimacy is not passion, but a deep emotional connection between two people, behind which it builds the rejection of social masks and the related vulnerability.
Partners are maximally revealed to each other, they no longer hide their feelings. Another marker of intimacy is the ability to communicate with complete silence, enjoying it. Naturally, it’s difficult to interact at an intimate level all the time, in real life we often return to standard communication. However, once having reached the 5th level, one will no longer need to experience a crisis in relations in order to become frank again. Even after meeting with your best friend after many years of separation, you still feel close to him, as if there was no separation. This will be a marker of true intimacy!
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