In pedagogical books and articles, they write a lot about the fact that children differ in temperament, the method of assimilation of the material, and other characteristics. This is all good, only sometimes the main thing is forgotten - that they differ by gender. Men and women are physically arranged differently, and the matter is not only in those very organs.
Thinking (as well as other mental functions) of men and women (also boys and girls) works in completely different ways. Hence there is a misunderstanding of the spouses ("I told him, but he does not understand!"), And from here there are problems in learning. According to your recollections - who is more likely to study poorly in a class, boy or girl? As a rule, almost every class has its own inveterate "d-loser", and this is a boy. Modern schooling (I mean secular mixed schools) is entirely "female-oriented". To begin with, a male teacher has long moved into the category of rarities. Is that a physical education and labor teacher for boys, but there the mental processes are not particularly involved. Primary school teacher, math teacher, physics teacher. All the main disciplines, where the head should work more, are not just in the "female hands", but who is the program? Have you ever seen a serpentarium teaching room? There are exclusively female staff. (I am a methodologist, I am in the know). The high school curriculum is entirely focused on "girl" thinking, which is why boys are so poorly trained. The program is built on the principle of copy-paste, that is, read the paragraph and tell it, read the rule and do exercises on it, look at the sample and do it. This is typically female thinking that replicates. Male thinking generates ideas and creates new rules and new patterns.
That is why it is so easy for girls to cope with the exercises for a given rule, and the boys do not see the point in this - they have mastered the idea, why now grind it?
(for more details about the features of the assimilation and processing of information in elementary school in boys and girls, see the book by V. D. Eremeeva and T. P. Khrizman, “Boys and Girls - Two Different Worlds”).
Girls usually respond much better at the blackboard — their verbal centers are better formed. Therefore, it’s completely wrong when mom says: “our boy doesn’t talk at the age of two, and the girl’s neighbors give out so many words a year!” - this is normal! Girls begin to speak on average earlier, and it is easier for them to formulate their thoughts than for boys. It’s important for boys to express the essence, they don’t have to “think through the tree”, in contrast to them, girls can embellish their stories with various irrelevant details, which, of course, delight teachers and look “more successful” against the background of fragmentarily answering boys. When a Russian teacher checks her essays, what will she pay attention to first? on the volume! And if, instead of the specified minimum of “about a page and a half,” she sees five lines, she won’t even read, but crosses it off with bold red paste and puts a “deuce”. Throughout the entire training, they are told to the boys year after year that the idea is not important, the thought has no value, only its design and copy-paste are important (remember the decrease in marks for blots? This is exclusively a female perversion of teachers. Look at any professional - how chips are scattered around in a carpentry workshop, how everything is smeared in the artist’s studio. When the boys strive to create something new, they have absolutely no time to “sort through the shelves,” it’s too low for their lofty ideas. And at school they drive in that the blot is higher than that thought, which they were trying to express).
Of course, the girl needs to be taught creative thinking, but it is the boys who suffer more from this orientation of training, when you only need to learn information, and not to get it and not to create something new.
It may seem that I have a contradiction - I wrote so much about the fact that at a certain stage children have visual-figurative thinking, then verbal-logical? That is all true. But at the same stage for boys and girls, it works a little differently in the same framework. Both of them operate with images at the stage of figurative thinking, but at the same time the methods of operation differ. For example, in a game, girls can make a dollhouse for two hours, come up with furniture and change outfits without ever starting plot actions. Boys immediately go on to actions - for example, they began to play cars, they immediately organize races, etc.
Who has the opportunity to see how girls and boys draw with comments, you will notice something like the following:
The girl will tell in detail about all kinds of prettiness: "And the princess has such a palace. It's like she has a kindergarten. There are such flowers (long listings with the selection of colors). And here her dog lives. The dog’s name is." On the sheet there will be a clear separation of heaven-earth with "even rows" of all participants and objects.
The boy will express himself more with onomatopoeic words and interjections, it is important for him to “twist the plot”, and not to draw every subject: “he is like that - bang! " there will be an undetectable daub on the sheet, through which the car "drove back and forth many times."
And here a boy in the first grade brings such a drawing to a drawing teacher (with a “girl's” mindset), and she says: “Petrov! Why do you have a car hanging in the air? Why do you have a man upside down? Have you ever seen a man on the road up "Why did you climb over the contour? What, little one, didn’t learn to paint?" (The class laughs). Thus, the boy not only received a violation of his lofty idea and dynamic plot, but was also exposed "before the ranks." Think, he will have a lot of desire to create?
As we have already said, men's thinking requires innovation, fundamentally different decisions, men need to “turn the world around”, they, in fact, come to training in order to get these very two rings.
Just in elementary school, when a child develops verbal-logical thinking, male logic is not needed. It’s possible to joke that girls at this age have a “verbal” mindset (it is they who retell the desired correct answers), and boys have a “logical” one - they seek causal relationships between objects, not always knowing how to formulate it. It is here that ready-made templates are given and information is given in finished form.
This constant “patterning” destroys the desire for self-education and curiosity in the initial period of study (one does not need to think that these wonderful qualities are formed from scratch at the end of school and the elementary school is just a recipe, this is just the formation of a model of educational activity, it is desirable for life).
Plus, the training is devoid of incentive to take the initiative, search for information and find its own solution to the problem, the training is based on the verbal flow, in the processing of which boys of this age are not very strong (we have already said that they are more often distracted by girls from listening, formulate their statements worse, etc.).
At this age, boys need to “experiment” as much as possible, they are more likely to find a solution “through trial and error”. Of course, any such activity is excluded in elementary school - how to experiment? Counting sticks? Boys are longer than girls in the period of predominance of the kinesthetic channel of perception - they need to disassemble, assemble the object in order to find out how it works and why it works like that.
But even intellectual difficulties are not as negative as psychological ones. The most important thing is competition. Even if this is not warmed up by the teacher, according to the laws of the development of the group in any class, even the most friendly, there is competition and the places of the "first" and "last" in the class. Accordingly, girls at this age are always and everywhere “faster, higher, stronger,” and in modern acceleration even boys in physical education do not always manage to win (in almost all the first classes I know, the highest are girls, not boys).
In general, the fact that boys and girls of the same age in the class are already wrong, because girls are much ahead of boys in mental development and other areas. (If you read the materials on gender differences, you will find an interesting fact - already newborn girls differ from boys by about 2-3 weeks in development - but they still haven’t been brought up “gender-oriented”! Girls quickly establish eye contact, recognize the faces of loved ones etc.)
Of course, by the eighth grade the situation will be different - in high school, boys quickly catch up and overtake girls in school. But the subconscious will not wait eight years!
In kindergarten and elementary school, completely “non-male” defeatist and dependent positions are already being formed. This situation, when a girl publicly proves her superiority, breaks manhood. And this happens all the time: the boy was unable to solve the problem at the blackboard, they called in to finish writing the girl, the girls quickly complete the test and hand over the notebooks, and the boys will tinker for a long time, the neat work of the girls are more often at the exhibitions, the honor board, etc., boys often receive comments for behavior and carelessness, and they are given the example of girls, in the end, unsuccessful student boys write lessons from excellent girls.
At the very beginning of the topic, we talked about the fact that it is vital for a man to demonstrate his achievements and receive female admiration. And at that age, when boys form gender roles and behavioral patterns, they constantly get verbal and non-verbal negative characteristics! What is especially important is in the most disadvantageous comparison with more successful and socially accepted girls.
A man must demonstrate achievements and receive female admiration, but it turns out the opposite - they inspire the boys that they are worthless insignificants against the background of the main and superior girls. Besides the fact that it provokes aggression (indeed, I want to beat these girls in a corner during a break), it also builds misconceptions about ourselves and inadequate self-esteem.
The boy does not have visual reinforcement of his own achievements. The boy is deprived of the idea of how creative he can achieve success (I repeat, just in case, that this is all built in the subconscious and the child cannot express it. I wrote recently about the subconscious - new ones can search by my last name). What does this mean? What will the boy look for later, than to show his masculinity? As you know, the easiest and shortest way is always not very good: if you do not smoke, you are not a man, etc.
Who will help?
So, if you really want to know how to kiss at the age of 12, videos and movies will not help you at all. There, adult heroes play according to the scripts prescribed by adult uncles and aunts. Of course, they have long forgotten how a teenager feels, who is preparing for his first kiss. But this teenager feels most likely fear, indecision and self-doubt. True, this uncertainty is most often covered by rude and bravura behavior, which turns a boy or girl into a perfect child.
There would be a girl, and there will always be a teacher
Lack of experience is not a disadvantage, it is an advantage. First of all, this applies, of course, to girls. In no case should one “add” oneself to experience, remember: all adult women, on the contrary, try to pretend that they are familiar with the art of kissing and other arts only by hearsay. Men understand everything literally, and if you pretend that you know everything, they will treat you accordingly, and then do not expect tender confessions, romantic touches and other attributes of beautiful love. When entering adulthood, be very careful, especially if you are dealing with a partner who is older than you. Of course, he will tell you how to learn to kiss at age 12, but think: will he want to stop there? Are you ready for real feelings and relationships? If you have even a drop of doubt, then take your time, wait at least two to three years.
Tips for the growing Casanova
If a girl is prescribed traditions to be romantic and inexperienced, then from a young man, no matter how old he is, a friend expects decisive and skillful actions. That is why the guys are so eager to learn how to kiss at the age of 12. The video, of course, can teach you how to approach the girl, how to hug her, how to behave during and after the kiss. However, no one will tell you what to tell your beloved in your ear, how gentle the first touch should be, how to convince a girl that she is the one that you have been waiting for all your life. The girls, oddly enough, have different characters. If a guy, thinking about how to do everything right, asked the advice of an experienced friend, the received answer would have surprised him very much. The fact is that there are no uniform rules, just as there is no universal recipe to please. Love is not mathematics, it is a very complex science, which we are destined to comprehend throughout our life. Therefore, dear guys, think less about how to do everything perfectly, look for your recipes.
Love is not mathematics, it is a very complex science, which we are destined to comprehend throughout our life.
Just kiss, live and have fun with your girlfriends. And so that the girls prefer you to others, try to see in them, first of all, people, try to find out what interests them, what they dream about.
A little physiology
A kiss is not only a movement of the soul, it is a physiological act, a kind of prelude to true love. It requires not only mental attitude, but also preparation. If you want to know everything about it, and are going to start practical training, then do not forget to take care of hygiene. Ambra woven from fume, the scent of uncleaned teeth and the smell of garlic can destroy the most tender affection. By the way, the smell of sweat also does not contribute to love. During the kiss, people exchange a huge amount of bacteria, so make sure that these bacteria are at least clean.