In almost every class there are children, boys, as a rule, who like to mock peers. Bullies pursue, call names, strive to push or do ingenious dirty tricks, in a word, sometimes very inventively spoil life. How to protect a child from school bullies and what to do if it turned out that a badass is your son?
Text: Kira Yuryeva
Most of all, of course, parents want to go to school and thoroughly “pound” the bully so that the bastard knows how to offend decent people. But, alas, this is the least effective means of disassembly with bully. After such an intervention, the parents of their children, as a rule, cease to respect at all, not only hooligans, but also other children. But the bully himself, if he’s a smart guy, can safely go to complain to the teacher, principal or school psychologist that he is supposedly offended by aggressive adults, poor thing. You will also remain guilty.
But the trick is that the place of GlavGad in any class is rarely empty, and the child will still have to develop his own strategy for protecting against bullying - this is an important social skill that is very useful for life.
However, we’ll make a reservation right away - if we are talking about serious physical violence, adult intervention is indispensable. You must be able to cope with everything else — subtitles, threats, “setups” and offensive words.
We have gathered the experience of several parents who, together with their children, successfully solved the problem of protection from school hooligans.
And here are some simple recommendations.
Adult badasses project their anger and dissatisfaction with life on other people, including you, using aggressive tactics. We can say that aggression is imprinted in the badass DNA itself. Aggression is the basis of the personality of any badass, and they will certainly take advantage of it to their advantage, if only you allow them to.
First of all, they violate your personal space to determine how far they can go with you. Well, if this violation goes unpunished, they begin to put pressure on you harder, harder and harder ... unless you stop them.
You probably noticed how overly aggressive children at school, before scoffing at their chosen victim, first try to separate it from everyone else, contrasting, for example, the entire class or study group. Adult bullies behave similarly in this regard.
If you are faced with bullying at a new place of work, then keep in mind that he considers this company / company / organization to be his "hunting ground", and he will do everything to prevent other employees from getting closer to you. If, however, the annoying bully from your environment is out of work, then it is possible he will try to prevent you from staying in a new place by any means, so that you do not break out from under his influence.
3. False charges
When it comes to taking the blame for the committed acts, adult bullies (which is quite expected) by all available means try to avoid it. Adult bullies have a fair amount of narcissism, thanks to which they almost immediately (and without any doubt) blame the blame on someone else.
In addition, they shy away from professional responsibility, and create chaos in any team.
What really drives people who constantly behave aggressively and love to humiliate others: at school, at work or in their circle of friends? Answer: fears and psychological trauma. T&P figured out The Atlantic's text on the psychology of badass.
Natural-born badasses deliberately make their victims feel worthless. In the social field around them, aggressors constantly see competitors. They are trying not only to humiliate them, but also to show their superiority over these losers, to destroy their self-esteem. As in competitive sports, where winners are perceived as compared to losers, hooligans identify themselves through their victims. Their self-esteem depends on the possibility of persecuting the vanquished: I am a winner because you are a failure.
Recent studies have shown that badasses have a normal or somewhat high self-esteem (at least in the areas of physical attractiveness and popularity), but in addition they are extremely sensitive to shame and their own failures. As clinical psychologist Maria Lamia says, fear of disgrace is what tries to hide a badass. He becomes furious from his own failures and shortcomings, so he begins to humiliate others, thus asserting himself at their expense.
Bullies and daffodils adhere to the same behavioral strategies. Perhaps it even makes sense to note their close relationship: all badasses are daffodils with an exaggerated sense of self-worth and reduced sympathy for their victims. Accordingly, many daffodils become aggressive bullies, as happened, for example, with Lance Armstreng, who actively used the legal system and access to the media to humiliate his rivals or people whose statements and actions were contrary to his interests.
Many bullies grow up in dysfunctional families. The infamous NFL player, Richie Incognito, was himself aggressed when he was a child. Lance Armstrong was cast by his biological father, while his stepfather often punished him with a belt. When these people grew up, they found ways to compensate for their injuries by humiliating others.
We can better understand what is unconsciously driven by a bully, having figured out what emotions they are trying to provoke from their victims. For a bully, these people are projections of what he himself is afraid to become a failure.
Learn more about the psychology of badass on the Atlantic website.
As mentioned above, badasses often prefer to act behind the scenes. So do not be surprised if becoming a victim of badass, you will be the target of rumors and gossip that he will begin to spread about you behind your back.
And by the way, do not try to appeal to the best feelings of a badass, and convince him to stop talking nasty things about you. Most likely, this will not help - a badass is unlikely to even admit to being a source of insult.
And now it's time to move on to the fifth point ...
5. The desire to avoid direct conflict
Courage is definitely not about bullying. In them it is not a gram. This can be determined by their approach to conflicts: they either try to curtail them as quickly as possible, or even avoid them.
By the way, this is another way to quickly get to the bottom of their true essence - just call them in the face liars and / or tell them everything that you do not like. You will see that all of their pretentious coolness will fly away from them in an instant.
Fear is an ally of badass. Fear helps them gain and maintain control.
The ordinary, normal person with a healthy psyche disgusts the very idea of intimidating someone. That is the problem: most of the bullies are impulsive and reckless, and they can be called anyone, but not normal people.
7. Physical bullying
Those badasses that affect their victims for the most part emotionally rarely go to do physical harm to them. However, they are always ready to upset your personal space (see below), and without hesitation take advantage of any physique (height, figure, and so on) to make you feel more flawed than you are.
Those men who “prey” on victims among women often do not shun direct physical intimidation.
8. Passive aggressiveness
Since at the heart of most of the bullies are cowards, they try to avoid direct conflicts, especially with their victims. Instead, they adopt a more passive, indirect approach.
Emotional bullies, whose behavior can be classified as passive-aggressive, often procrastinate, complain or spread rumors in the hope of causing trouble to others.
9. Ignoring boundaries
Susan Biali, MD, described a bullying encounter in one of her Psychology Today articles:
“I remember how literally I was shaking from this whole situation (fortunately, we talked by e-mail). My heart seemed to beat so hard that it was about to break out of my chest. I immediately backtracked, saying to myself: let them do what they want. It seemed to me that we should not start because of this, especially when even a hint of a compromise caused such a strong reaction. ”
Remember, badass will always try to beat your weaknesses, whether in person, in a telephone conversation, or even when communicating by email.
1. Do not succumb to their onslaught
This is the key to confronting any badass.
If you, instead of issuing the standard reaction of a slaughtered victim in response to the humiliation and insults from the bully, go on the attack and tell him everything you think about him.
The chances that this will force him to retreat are pretty high. And who knows, maybe next time he will once again think about whether to attack a seemingly defenseless victim.
2. Ignore them
If this is the first time you’ve come across this bully, try this simple but effective way: just don’t pay the slightest attention to it.
If the first two steps didn’t help you, and the bully didn’t calm down, and didn’t leave you behind, well, then you should go to the next step (and in many cases it’s worth starting with this step).
3. Report it
Most companies, industries and educational institutions have a policy of extreme intolerance for badass, especially since recently, when the scale of the negative impact that they project on society has been revealed. After that, many companies, firms and public organizations had to significantly revise their internal personnel policy.