Useful Tips

8 secrets to talking to someone who annoys you


A few years ago, scientists from the University of New York conducted a study proving that the so-called "chameleon effect" really works. 72 people performed the task together with strangers, half of whom, at the request of the researchers, copied the subjects' behavior, and the other half did not. As a result, the participants in the experiment, whose behavior was “mirrored”, reported that they liked their partners and would like to continue communicating with them.

So, using his “company” gestures and facial expressions in communication with the new boss, as well as repeating the pose, you can quickly achieve his location. The main thing is not to overdo it.

2. Try to catch your eye more often

According to a study by the University of Pittsburgh, we are prettier than the people we often see, even if they are not familiar to us. As part of the experiment, four girls, unknown to other students, attended classes at the university. Two came often, two rarely. Then the students were shown their photos and asked to rate. Those whom subjects regularly met in the classroom received higher scores.

3. Give compliments

In the Project Happiness book, attorney Gretchen Rubin writes: “Everything you say about other people affects how others see you.” This scientifically proven phenomenon is called the spontaneous transfer of qualities. People associate the compliments you tell others with your own character. This phenomenon works and vice versa: if you constantly speak negatively about others, you begin to attribute negative traits to you.

4. Radiate positive

According to Ohio University research, people unknowingly capture the emotions of others. In other words, the mood of the interlocutor is always transmitted to us. Want to make a good impression? Show a positive attitude.

5. Be friendly and competent.

We like it when professionals are pleasant and open in communication. Harvard psychologist Amy Cuddy argues that in business, it’s better to first show friendliness and openness, and then show competence on an important issue. Then people first trust you, and then respect you. According to Amy Cuddy, “this has been inherent in us since ancient times, when the most important thing for survival was to gain the confidence of relatives”.

6. Do not strive to be perfect

Eliot Aranson from the University of Texas proved that our oversights improve the opinions of others about us, and ideal people scare them with their inaccessibility. During the experiment, students listened to a quiz recording. The participant who answered the questions correctly, and in the end accidentally spilled coffee, won more sympathy than the one who held impeccably and did not make a single mistake.

7. Focus on common views.

According to a study by Theodore Newcomb, people find those who look like them more attractive. This is called the similarity attraction effect. We are pleased when someone shares our political views or musical taste. You are more likely to make friends with the person with whom you root for one football club. However, it is also noteworthy that, according to scientists at the University of Virginia, we like people who, like us, are very negative about something.

8. Touch accidentally

With this psychological trick you need to be careful: the touch should be light, unobtrusive and barely noticeable. It is proved that it affects the interlocutor at a subconscious level and makes him feel warm in you. Scientists at the University of Mississippi found that waiters who were in the process of serving restaurant customers received more tips.

10. Think of the person as he wants to.

Everyone is pleased when their opinion of themselves coincides with the vision of others. Specialists at Stanford University conducted a series of experiments on this topic. Participants with adequate and low self-esteem communicated with strangers. The subject of the conversation was the personality of the subjects.

As a result, people with positive self-perception expressed a desire to be friends with those who praised them. And participants with low self-esteem preferred the critics. Scientists attribute this to the fact that we always want to get predictable feedback.

11. Share a secret

Self-disclosure strategy is the simplest and most effective technique for building relationships. Of course, you don’t need to immediately open your soul to a stranger. First, discuss the news, the latest movie news, then tell something about yourself, and only then tell something personal. This will create a feeling of closeness, and it will be easier for the interlocutor to trust you in the future.

12. Let me tell you about myself

According to experiments at Harvard University, talking about loved ones brings us no less pleasure than food, money and sex. Let the interlocutor tell something about yourself and use the tactics of active listening: nod, assent, clarify details. So he will have the most pleasant memories of the conversation.

15. Be open to communication

According to psychologist Jim Taylor, emotional openness can explain why a person looks attractive in the eyes of others. Of course, such behavior can be risky, because it makes us vulnerable: it is never clear whether you can trust the other person. But sometimes this risk can be justified.

16. Pretend that you like the person you are talking to.

When you think that a person is located towards you, you start to like him. This is how the phenomenon of mutual sympathy works. Moreover, when we assume that a person should treat us well, we behave more openly towards him in advance. So we unknowingly increase the chances of making a favorable impression. If you are not sure how the person you are talking to, pretend you like him. Maybe he will begin to sympathize with you.

1. Accept the fact that you cannot get along with everyone

This is normal. Someone likes you, but someone doesn’t tolerate you. This does not mean that something is wrong with you or with others. Each of us just has his own preferences.

A decisive role in this is played by the difference in characters. The extrovert will seem boring to the introvert, and the optimistic mood of the optimist may seem inadequate.

We tend to invest in what we like. Suppose you are annoyed by one of your friends or colleagues. Of course, you will not look for meetings with him and keep in touch. But sometimes this approach can develop into an open hostility.

2. Try to understand the interlocutor

Maybe your mother in law does not consider you frivolous, as you always thought. A colleague is not really trying to set you up. Take a closer look, and perhaps you will understand the motives for their actions or even extract some useful advice.

Do not get angry if there really is a good reason for criticizing your address. You just put yourself in a bad light. Just take a word and take a critical note into service.

3. Keep your emotions in check

Your reaction to a particular situation depends only on you. She can infuriate you if you allow it. Do not waste your energy.

Do not give in if someone offends you or tries to get you crazy. Sometimes “smile and wave” is the best method.

It is very important to initially respect everyone you meet. This does not mean that you should always follow your lead and agree with everyone.

You need to be polite towards other people. Thus, you will remain in your opinion, keep calm and the advantage will be on your side.

4. Do not take everything to heart

Very often, we simply misunderstand a person. Perhaps he simply did not quite accurately express his thought or his day did not set in the morning. Do not break down on someone, because he can fall on you in response. This will only exacerbate the situation. Be above it, concentrate on the matter, not paying attention to the inadequate reaction of the interlocutor.

If you feel tired and tired, take a break, take a walk. Set a framework for personal space where no one can disturb you.

5. Speak calmly

Our manner of communication is often much more important than what we say. If the situation is heated, then it's time to talk about it. Nevertheless, dialogue should not be aggressive. It’s better to use sentences starting with the words “I”, “me”, “me”, for example: “It annoys me when you do this. Could you act differently? ”Most likely, the interlocutor will listen to you and also express his opinion.

Sometimes it is worth calling a third person for help. Another person can objectively assess the situation. Perhaps after the dialogue you will not become friends with the one with whom the conflict is ripe, but at least you can communicate normally.

Working with people you find it difficult to find a common language with is a rewarding experience that will show how you can deal with problems.

6. Prioritize

Not everything deserves your time and attention. You have to decide whether you really want to maintain communication with this or that person or whether it is better to concentrate, for example, at work.

Weigh the situation. Will it get worse over time? Sooner or later, the problem will have to be solved. If the conflict is overdue simply by coincidence, then you can quickly deal with it.

7. Do not take a defensive position

If you feel constant dissatisfaction with someone from you, if someone focuses only on your shortcomings, do not rush at this person with his fists. This is not a way out. This behavior will only provoke him. Instead, it’s better to ask directly what exactly doesn’t suit him. Gossip or oppression may be a sign that they want to manipulate or even demonstrate their power.

If a person wants you to respect him, he must treat you the same way.

There is one psychological trick: speak quickly when expressing your disagreement with someone. So the interlocutor will have less time for an answer. Slow down if you feel that he is ready to agree with you.

8. Remember that you yourself are the creator of your happiness

Of course, it is difficult to soberly assess the situation if someone is getting on your nerves. However, never let others pull you down.

If someone’s words really hurt you, understand yourself. Maybe you are not confident in yourself or you are worried about some working moments? If so, concentrate on resolving issues that are important to you.

Do not compare yourself with others, because we are all different.

More often remind yourself of your achievements and do not let anyone spoil your mood because of some little things!

1. Happy people

Some people seem terribly happy with life. It’s as if these good people never worry. They annoyed me, because I did not understand: why on earth should I be so happy? Perhaps I envied them. Perhaps they were happy because they were rich, beautiful and generally better than me. But, as they say, “if you want to be happy, be.” I always remind myself to be able to be happy for others. I do not know if this is given to everyone with ease. To me - definitely not. To do this, you need to work on yourself, and do it every day.

2. Unhappy people

It's hard to look at the homeless. Or find out that a loved one went to the hospital, or a friend went to prison. Often I don’t understand how to deal with such problems. Sometimes I just turned away from these people. But empathy is like a muscle that needs to be trained. The best way to change someone’s life is to help someone who really needs help. Empathy training is the best fitness. Every day I ask my daughters if anyone was able to help today. I would have no right to ask them about this if I had not asked the same question to myself. People who need help are unhappy in something.

3. Good people

Some people cannot be called happy, but they are definitely good. It is easy to envy Bill Gates. I myself envied him for a long time, so I wanted to believe that his ideas are not worth a penny and that all he does is impose an illegal monopoly. But he gives $ 100 million to charity. Thanks to him, they are about to find a way to treat malaria in Africa and cope with problems that were previously considered unsolvable. That's what I want to be. I want to participate in solving problems. And if you really want to replenish the ranks of superheroes and stand shoulder to shoulder with Bill Gates and other philanthropists, you first need to discover the superpower in yourself - suppress envy and appreciate what they are doing.

4. Hysterical people

It's not about an accidental passer-by or some kind of psychopath in the subway. With these you know what to do - just turn around and leave. But if this is a boss, friend, family member - anyone from a constant circle of friends? And this man is yelling, insulting, asserting himself. For example, everyone who was not too lazy was asserting themselves on me - because I tried too hard to please. And it was not the fault of a quarrelsome person. It was my fault because I allowed it. And you just need to not allow it.

  • Stop chatting.
  • Take a break.
  • Skip the family dinner.

Life is short. Do not let others break down and humiliate themselves. It is possible that they behave this way because they need help. But if all help is to harm one's neighbor, then this is wrong. Be kind, show sympathy, but limit communication. Even with the boss. Greet you when you pass by, and look for another job where you will not be raised in voice. This is how people trained and domesticated animals for centuries and millennia. People are part of wildlife, and this approach is also relevant for us. One way or another, the main idea is simple: behave with dignity. As the person you want to become. If you do not like happy people, then you yourself will not be happy. If you allow the boors to be rude, then they will wipe their feet about you. Tell the world who you are - otherwise it will be decided for you. And hardly in your favor. Published by

P.S. And remember, just changing our consciousness - together we change the world! © econet

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